J A n u A r y 2 0 1 7 • O U T PA T I E N T S U R G E R Y. N E T • 1 2 3
'I Had a High-as-Hell Hernia'
Things only a surgical nurse would understand and appreciate.
A
lmost every day in surgery, something or someone makes us
shake our head, roll our eyes or bite our tongue — sometimes
all at once. A person who's never worn scrubs to work would-
n't get it. But for you and me, it's just another day at the office.
'Fire balls of my Eucharist.' Patients don't always understand
what their surgeon told them, but somehow we know what they
mean when they tell us their diagnosis. They had the worst case of
something ever known to mankind ("I had a high-as-hell hernia.").
Or they were on the brink of death ("I almost died of micro orgasms
in my blood."). Or they were about to ignite ("My doctors said I had
fireballs of my Eucharist."). We can't make this stuff up. Yes, patients
will tell you almost anything, except when they last ate or drank …
and the name of the last illegal drug they took and when they last
took it.
Lose the undies. I
try over and over to
get pre-op to stop send-
ing patients to surgery
with their underwear on.
If the procedure is going
to be below the waist,
the undies need to be
off. Even if the patient is
in the midst of shedding
the uterine lining, we
don't care. Linens wash
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Behind Closed Doors
Paula Watkins, rn, CnOr
