Now sentencing day was here. It felt surreal, and I was scared. I was
summoned before the judge. The sentence was harsh: 60 months in
federal prison and 3 years of probation. I was crushed. Friends and
colleagues who have known me for years were shocked. Many of
them told me, "If this could happen to you, it could happen to any-
one."
On Jan. 13, 2015, I surrendered to the Federal Prison Camp in Taft,
Calif. Since then, I've had a great deal of time to reflect on how I got
here. This is my story.
Childhood scars
I have always had an intense desire to be liked, to fit in and to please
people. Before I surrendered to prison, I saw a psychologist for sever-
al weeks, mainly because I was concerned about my drinking. The
stress over the past several years was intense, and Tito's vodka marti-
nis were my anti-anxiety medication of choice. The psychologist
administered a couple of personality tests and one of the key findings
was that I was off the charts on the "people-pleasing" vector. My
response was "So I'm a pathological people-pleaser?" "Pretty much,"
he said after complimenting me on my alliteration.
Of course, he proceeded to ask me about my childhood. I know.
You're thinking, "Oh, he's going to blame everything on his terrible
childhood." No, I take full responsibility for my actions at ArthroCare
and the subsequent impact on people's lives. However, I now know
that personality traits I have make me vulnerable in certain situations
and it's important to understand these and where they came from so
that I never cross the line again.
I explored my childhood. I was a very sensitive kid: empathetic, very
smart, totally uncoordinated — and, yes, gay. My favorite thing to do
was to sit in my room listening to music, making lists and reading the
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