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JaNuaRy 2015 | O U T PAT I E N TS U R G E R Y. N E T
has the patient sit quietly and run the tap water in a nearby sink for
several minutes. The patient must hear the running water and it
should sound like a babbling brook. Some nurses also whisper sweet
nothings in the patient's ear to obtain the full effect of this exercise. I
don't know if any science exists for this, but it surely doesn't help the
facility's water bill. When several patients undergo this treatment
simultaneously, our PACU sounds like a car wash.
• Max out on the Flomax. Certain meds may help, especially the alpha
inhibitors like Flomax. Trouble is, most drugs may take a while to
kick in and many facilities don't want to spend the time observing a
patient who is otherwise doing well … unless they are a big tipper.
Also, these types of drugs may make the patient light-headed. Great,
the patient finally pees, but passes out while doing so!
• Call urology. When in doubt, call urology. Truth is, the urologist
may take 2 hours to see the patient, only to order expensive tests,
make the patient even more anxious and end up recommending —
you guessed it — Flomax.
• Dreaded straight cath. Nothing instills fear into the soul of a patient
more than the mention of the words STRAIGHT CATH. For men especial-
ly, the pain inflicted rivals an extended stay by in-laws. Thank God
this is the last resort, unless your patient is into self-mutilation.
When in doubt, 'YOYO' (you're on your own)
In the end, most patients are left to fend for themselves. They may
receive the admonition, "If you don't pee in 8 hours, simply go to the
nearest ER." Sounds OK, but what if the nearest ER is 20 miles away,
only has catheters the size of chest tubes and has a staff urologist
named Rambo who thinks coating catheters with lidocaine is for
sissies?
