Outpatient Surgery Magazine

Marking Madness - April 2013 - Subscribe

Outpatient Surgery Magazine, providing current information on Surgical Services, Surgical Facility Administration, Outpatient Surgery News and Trends, OR Excellence and more.

Issue link: http://outpatientsurgery.uberflip.com/i/122240

Contents of this Issue


Page 156 of 157

OSM560-April_DIGITAL_Layout 1 4/5/13 2:33 PM Page 157 help yourself to the pain med mini-bar in your room. Recovery will keep you until you're ready to leave. • Business class. A room with no view, except for the one out the open doorway to the nurses' station. The refurbished stretcher's motor is shot, so it doesn't recline without hand-cranking, which your nurses will do, under protest. The charts, gowns and linens are paper, but they're complimentary. Your anesthesiologist will be Dr. I. Try Hard. Most of the time, he gives you enough to render you senseless. The surgeon is board-certified and popular with the nurses. The circulating nurse is certifiable and has 5 years' experience with the surgeon. The scrub tech is jealous. That's all we can say. Recovery's pain meds are rationed, but covered by your all-inclusive fee. • Economy class. You might have to share a stretcher, unless we can move that morgue table into a pre-op bay. Bring your own linens. Anesthesia will be provided by Dr. Mallet. Your surgeon is a third-year resident with 10 years' experience and allegedly only 1 accident, which we're legally prevented from discussing until after the settlement. The circulator is a traveling nurse because she can't seem to hold down a permanent job anywhere, and the scrub tech has almost mastered English. When you tell the student nursing assistant who's taking vital signs your date of birth, she says, "Wow, that must have been a long time ago." • Budget class. Behind this HIPAA-approved threadbare curtain, you'll find an aluminum lounge chair. We'll put your belongings in a A P R I L 2 013 | O U T PAT I E N T S U R G E R Y M A G A Z I N E | 1 5 7

Articles in this issue

Archives of this issue

view archives of Outpatient Surgery Magazine - Marking Madness - April 2013 - Subscribe